Christmas weekend, here are some things that are on the telly.
Don't watch the TV until noon because before then there are a lot of bad films. Films like Garfield and Dudley Moore's Santa Claus The Movie. Just don't do it.
The Muppet Christmas Carol (Channel 4) 12.00pm - Muppets perform Dickens' tale with the usual puppety results. Contains Michael Caine.
The Lion The Witch and The Wardrobe (BBC 1) 5.50pm - CS Lewis's story about magic Jesus lions and Turkish delight is given the Hollywood treatment. The child cast were rescued from a workhouse to appear in this film. They were then sold on for parts.
BBC 2 have a compilation of Morecambe and Wise shows and then a profile and a clip show about Les Dawson. There's then a Top of the Pops special and a documentary about the making of Blackadder. That's a pretty great line up and it begins at 8pm or you could tune in at 7pm if you want to watch a special about John Craven. Great stuff.
Channel Four is showing Bill Bailey - Dandelion Mind at 10.55pm which is not the strongest of his live shows but still good fun. Following that though is a Christmas classic which should be shown at a proper bloody time:
Father Ted - A Christmassy Ted (Channel 4) 11.55pm - Father Ted celebrates Christmas by getting lost in a lingerie department and then accepting a Golden Cleric award. Oh and Mrs Doyle is replaced by a tea machine. This is a classic Christmas special and should be shown at prime time instead of tucked away in the graveyard slot.
THEN GO TO BED BECAUSE FATHER CHRISTMAS IS COMING AND HE WON'T DELIVER YOUR PRESENTS IF YOU'RE AWAKE.
It's Christmas Day, I'm not going to tell you what to do.
Well, other than tell you that Doctor Who is on at 7pm. Only inhuman monsters don't like Doctor Who.
You're not an inhuman monster are you?
And on that note - MERRY CHRISTMAS!
I will see you next year for more of the same, have a great time and try not to eat all the trifle as that's my favourite.