The first week of festive programmes is almost at an end. How have you enjoyed it so far? It's been rubbish hasn't it? Let's hope that the Christmas weekend can make up for a lacklustre showing...
Nativity! (BBC 2) 6.20pm - Is this good? I don't know. It has Martin Freeman who was Tim from The Office and then Arthur Dent and then Doctor Watson and now he's Bilbo Baggins. Maybe he'll look into the camera a lot or perhaps go on an adventure. Seems he has to direct a school play. I'm sure there'll be some scenes where you'll see him desperately trying not to break the fourth wall.
Shrek (BBC 3) 7.25pm - The first one, the good one. The one that was an unexpected smash hit before the franchise was exploited with endless sequels and spin offs. Mike Myers' Scottish accent is still pretty bobbins though. "Arrrmmm an Oguurrrrrrr!"
Hitman (Film 4) 9.00pm - Hitman is rubbish but sometimes you just want to watch people get shot and see things explode. This movie contains those things.
Fight Club (Film 4) 11.00pm - This film is bloody marvellous and is my favourite David Fincher movie. A darkly comic story about anarchy, violence, advertising, office jobs, and Brad Pitt in a variety of bizarre outfits.
The Inbetweeners is on all bloody night and morning long on Channel 4 from 11.10pm onwards. BUS WANKERS.
Or you could watch The Nutty Professor at 11.30pm on ITV 2, you idiot.